So much has happened this week. Most of which has to do with facing unexpected changes.
Usually I write on a very general level, but today, I want to talk about exactly what's been going on in my life.
Not only is this the first time I've been faced with death of those that I know or previously knew, but it happened twice in the one week. My grandparents have passed away and that's about it; I've never seen a dead person, I've never been to a funeral, I've never lost any friends or close relatives. No one that I've shared moments of trust and love with. And then it all happened at once.
This whole week I have been so lost, I've asked myself so many questions about life. I've experienced this emotion that I have never experienced before and cannot explain myself - mixed feeling of shock, regret, loss, guilt... it almost feels surreal. I've finally been confronted with this notion of mortality that I have only heard about but was never this close until now. I can feel it coming closer and closer to those around me and I wish I could fight it off but it doesn't take a genius to tell me that there is no point in resisting because we have to accept these changes. We learn from our losses and gain new relationships, but it's just so hard.. this feeling lingers with you and I feel as though things will never be the same for the people who were once close to someone who passes away.
On a less significant level, the year is ending and I am being faced with changes in the coming year. After all the jobs I have had in the past couple of years, I will be leaving everything behind and will have to go searching again for the coming year. New roles are getting voted for and assigned.
There has also be large changes at my work with half the team changing. Seeing colleagues pack up and changing teams while we all worked together so well, it's such a shame. We all go our different paths, people come and go in our lives.
So much loss, but at the time, there is so much waiting for me.
To wrap things up, this song was first introduced to me by a great friend who was caring for those around him and supposed us through our rough times. He will always be remembered for his talent in art and music. Hope you're resting well in heaven and maybe we will have that catch up session that we never had the chance to have.