In business school where it's all about increasing your networks and contacts, everyone wants to be someone that people like. In the past few months, I have attended a couple of training programs, began to read "how to win friends and influence people", been put in a lot of scenarios from meetings to parties, and observed and experimented with a lot of communication techniques. There are some things I found.
Step One: People like others who effectively listen
When you ask someone "how are you", there is nothing worse than knowing that they don't really care what your answer is. You could tell them you nearly got into a car crash this morning and they could be like "oh that's good that's good!". It is also just as bad when someone goes into a long ramble about how their day was and what their life is about because really, do we care? We all just are about ourselves. However, if you listen and pretend to care, say the right things, people tend to like you.
Remember what they say, don't ask the same thing twice, people hate that.
Don't talk about yourself, no one cares.
Step Two: Don't talk shit about others
Don't be a bitch, its really not that hard. If you talk shit about someone else, chances are the person you're talking to is judging you as you are judging that someone else you're bitching about. Calling someone an "interesting character" is not the same as calling them "weird". Calling someone "outspoken" is not the same as calling someone "loud and annoying". Choose your words carefully.
Step Three: Don't criticise, don't blame
Whether you're in the scenario first hand, or you're talking about a scenario, don't blame anyone for anything that went wrong. Don't blame the bus for being late, don't blame your sister for taking forever to get ready in the morning, don't blame your colleague for not double checking the appointment time, don't blame your friends for not finishing the assignment up to standard; you will always have a responsibility in what went wrong, and if anything, blame yourself. It was your fault you didn't catch the earlier bus, it was your fault you didn't double check things. Either blame your own lazy asshole or blame no one. It was no one's fault, maybe it was a miscommunication. All people want to know is that it won't happen again, no need to be defensive about it.
Step Four: Remember names and use it!
I learnt recently that nothing is sweeter in someone's ears than the sound of their own name. A week ago, I went to a party and I saw a guy I met a year ago, and he remembered my name. I immediately was fond of him and we got into a conversation immediately. On the contrary, a month ago when I was at a formal event, I saw a girl who I met a week before the event. Let's say her name was Peta, I was like "Hi Peta, how're you? Do you remember me?" And she was like "umm.. not really". I was pretty sad that I wasn't important enough for her to remember.
Of course everyone's excuse is "Oh I'm so bad with names, I'm so sorry", but that's no excuse. One of the greatest leaders in the world memorised everyone's name before he hosted the event so that when it was break time, he would go up to each of the guests and say "Hi Brian, what did you think of such and such". And Brian would think, my goodness how does this guy know my name.
Everyone's name is special to them. By using their name, you make them feel important.
That's all I can think of for now! Try it out, it honestly works. One day I'm gonna come back, read this and apply it again and again.