Look who's back :)
Read a few blogs lately and decided I would just document my dreams. I was gonna turn up my messy room just to find an empty book to write this but I thought, hey why not just put them up here and people can help me decipher my mind of shit.
I always have dreams where I'm cheating on my boyfriend. I haven't even told him about this but it's always a different guy. Throughout the whole dream, I feel guilty and I hope that he doesn't find out. Every time I wake up, I am so relieved and I remind myself that I will never cheat on him because that would ruin things between us and I love him a lot.
You see, I read everywhere, all the dream interpreters just have interpretations of dreams where your boyfriend is having sex with another girl and that would symbolise your insecurity and lack of trust and loyalty in the relationship. Then what is it supposed to mean in my case? Is it a paranoia that I won't be able to stay loyal to him? I genuinely never had doubts about it though.
So there was this one dream where I had finished swimming and some random dude was hitting on me. I felt guilty and I left the pool, going to get changed. When I came back out to the "pool" it had turned into my mum's room. At this point I was scared and ran into my own room but the door seemed to burn away and I couldn't close it. I knew this dude was coming after me but I took a second out and said, wait a second, I'm dreaming. Rooms can't change like that.
So time out for a sec. A while back, I read on the internet about how to lucid dream. One of the methods was to write an "A" on your hand, and that would stand for awake. If you looked down at your hand enough while you were awake, then you would see it in your dream and realise you're dreaming.
I wasn't even trying to lucid dream. This isn't even how it's supposed to work, but I looked down at my hand after I had questions about whether I was dreaming. It was blank at first, the creases on my hand were clear, my fingers still summed up to 5 on each hand. Suddenly, an A appeared on my hand. At that stage, I knew I was dreaming. I said to myself "Imagine Eshiyu standing at the door right now, imagine it". I managed to imagine my other friend standing there, and I said "That's not Eshiyu! Try harder". Anyway right after that, I "woke up". I opened my eyes and saw my white quilt with orange and pink flowers on it. I looked at my hand and it was clean, clear creases, no A. Then I looked for a while longer and an A appeared again. I was tracing the A with a pen, thinking, it's going to disappear, I'm not dreaming. And that's when I actually woke up. I looked down at my hand and there was nothing there. It finally stayed that way.
I remember a friend telling me that people who lucid dream have a higher chance of sleep paralysis. That's what stopped me from trying to lucid dream.
But the thing is, if dreams are insights into your unconsciousness, then why would you try to lucid dream and take away that pathway to your inner thoughts?