94/105 good enough haahah pls someone teach my how to write, handwriting is everywhere, complaints everywehre lewl
but good news i did end up topping phys for trials :) feels good when you beat all the boys in maths and science, feels so gooooooood; not a feminist at all i swear
so yeeaap ive just been dicking around, youtube videos all day, not going to school/leaving school early, living the life HAHA
but no dont worry ill start studying again next week and then all the anguses will be dominated and everyoen will be miron and theyll all be like shit josephine.... how did you get 99.95 and ill be like hahahaha i dont know man im just pretty amazing
im joking im joking i wish i could get 99.95
okay ill write a bit before i go youtube again, i should be doing my coop app ffs so much slacking off
I have a friend who is very very similar to me. We had a phone call once at 1-2am for a coupla hours and we were just talking about our interests. It makes me excited when people have the same interests as me, and it's funny cause we took it in turns to name our interests and every single interest matched up. Sounds unrealistic, but it got that unrealistic to the point where we said "okay no more, this is too fkn unbelievable". However, we seem pretty different. Maybe it's how the gender thing plays out on an individual, and the social influences. People say to me, "why are you friends with him?" and although the people who ask are also my very good friends, I defensively say "why not, he's a good guy, whats wrong with him". Because people see us as different on the outside. We are, we are very different on the outside, we're pretty much the same person on the inside.
So when everyone else just wants to see him crash and burn, I wanna see him succeed so that like me, he can come back and say "i did it, you said id fail but i did it". I hate irate people but the best thing about it is saying to them "watch me", and then succeeding so they have nothing to say. I love that.
Which brings me to the next point about ego. When you wanna do nice things, help people, is it for the benefit of them or is it for the benefit of yourself; that is, makes you feel better, makes you look good for doing it etc. And as much as you say it may be for the benefit of them, youre actually primarily doing it for yourself because it makes you feel better about the people around you, it makes you feel better about hte world and what youve done. amirite? I remember someone once said to me, humans are driven by one or more of the three things: power, money, ego.
Mother Theresa was driven by ego, an ego to help people as I have discussed before, because it makes her feel better.
Hitler was driven by power.
The wealthy are driven by money.
Is that to say that being driven by power and money is bad, and being driven by ego is good?
Personally, I cannot decide, but I would lean towards that idea. But right now, I'm driven by ego and for some reason, it doesn't make me happy either.
I'm really not sure.
But yes, that's that, enough said today, enough thoughts randomly throw in here, enjoy your week :)
Well my sister's on campskies. kinda miss her annoying lil voice chiming in telling me fkn amazing stories. no really, i love her.
I got phys back today and I did well so good on you josephine! you can be a bit retarded sometimes but you did well this time!
I have also done nothing this whole week. #feelsbadman in fact, not even going to school tomorrow #yolo
can someone tell me if our grade is just really fucking stupid, or... i dont know. thats the only explanation.
inb4 we have the lowest scaled aggregate atar then i will be loling at each and every one of us and just spend a whole day pointing at myself and laughing. srs
i hate saying this cause every fkn man and woman says this but hsc is taking over my life. i had a dream that i got 2/20 for my mod b essay and i woke up and nearly shat my pants, then realised 2/20 is actually quite impossible so i went back to sleep.
so yea thats all i have to say, I just want this shit to be over, party at schoolies then die right before i get my hsc results back.
What is your current relationship status?
single
Who last called you?
vincent lee this mornign LOL missed his cal heh
Song you're listening to?
alibi - 30 seconds from mars
typical of me hahahahah
Are you starting to realize anything?
that im actually pretty fucking retarded, yes
Do you believe in the saying what comes around goes around?
yar, experienced it too much aye
What are you thinking about right now?
how shit i feel
Who was last to see you cry?
oh lawd this is actually a good question. a few boys i think
If you were given a paper and a pen, what would be the first thing you'd draw?
a house
How was last night?
i had tutoring, i love my tutor. in fact, i love all my teachers and tutors, theyre all amazing, really.
Do you think someone is thinking about you now?
why the fuck would they hahahaha
What do you look forward to in the next 5 months?
schoooooooolies, lol jokes its gonna just be smashed kids everywhere like last time
Do you like the colour green?
no i hate the environment
Do you know anyone whos name starts with the letter J?
like my name?!?!
Are any of your texts in your inbox locked and why?
how does one do this, pls teach
Do you believe people deserve second chances?
i believe that in life, there are many second chances. its whether you recognise that you fucked up the first time to make use of your second chance
Forgive but never forget?
nope, forget but never forgive
Do you have a best friend?
nope, i dont have any friends, what are friends
Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
past
Are you easy to get along with?
at first yea, then later, no ahahahah im a crude woman
What is your favorite time of day?
noon, when im taking a nap omg best time ever
Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with?
whos that i dont even remember
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
charles yea defs a fegget
What was the highlight of your day?
nothing, everything about school is shit.
Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you?
whats smooth? my ass? defs smooth
Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
thats fuqed bro, gangas gonna gangz
What language would you like to master?
english, straya mate
What is the first thing you think in the morning?
shit, i didnt die in my sleep, good work josephine
Be honest, is there one person you wish you would have never met?
yar, there was once this fuckstick who walked in to my life, trampled all over my shit, and defacated on all my shit, then ran off laughing
Do you care what others think about you?
yes, who doesnt
Who is the first person you would call if you needed help?
what help, i dont need help
Who was the first person to break your heart?
this massive fegget that is such a seedy fucking ugly cunt that i dont even know why the fuck i had feelings for him it makes me so disappointed in myself
Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
no, theyre a simple minded species. pretty cute lil guys
Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
nope, perfect people like that dont exist
Is there anyone that hates you right now?
yea prob all lining up to kill me at the door
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
er wut
Who did you last pinky promise with?
some fegget who promised me something that they broke the promise to probs i dont remember
Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
wtf, kissing is pretty gross, youre gross
Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
hahahahahhahaha but who doesnt
Do you believe in karma?
as a joke
What if your ex runs up to you and hugs you?
well that depends who youre referring to, but ill stand still wait until he lets go and be like ooooookay cool mate! wtf is up!
Has anyone disappointed you recently?
er yea, when i told mattkan how to do a maths question and then it came up i nthe exam and he told me he didnt read my solutions and didnt get it. i was pretty disappointed in him
Does anyone like you?
who the fuck would like me, i actually goled a lil
Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were with?
yea
Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
yea
Are you happier single or in a relationship?
fuck off im a cynical bitch, happiness is not a word in my dictionary mudapuckerit's all over mudafkerz. got 6/11 of it back, I did alright
I'm not worried about school, really, I'm worried about everything else. sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and see someone that I don't know. I've changed and it scares me. the mornings where I wake up and want to hide under the covers for the whole day, not want to ever be part of the world again. the nights where I go to sleep in hope that I won't wake up the next morning. the days where I sit there and hope someone will hate me so much they'll want to kill me.
I'm a stubborn child, there's some things that will stay with me forever. things I'll always regret.
well. two exams left and trials are over, faster than I expected.
so why am i here? dont i have to work? well if i can spend 2 hours at night thinking about someone, then I can spend a few minutes here writing. Surely.
I always have dream where I'm going out with random close friends and I wake up wondering how fucking weird that is and then seeing them or talking to them afterwards and feeling awkward as fuck. But if you wake up and don't find it awkward does that mean you have feelings for them?
On the other hand, it's been three years. I remember three years ago, it wasn't this windy, a bit colder maybe. Was more hurt than I am now, but back then there was hope.
The harbour is empty, silent and still, but the city lights glisten in the water's ripples. Its around two or three in the morning. The air numbs my face as the chilly breeze brushes past, my fingers stiff as I rub them against my knees. I remember sitting here with you one afternoon, watching the children running to that ice-cream shop, hearing the crowd cheer as the entertaining guy finished his performance.
Fuck that I cbf thinking. I hate finishing stories cause I start them and realise how shit i am at writing and then I just give up.