Lemme tell you a story.
I have a friend, a very close friend. We always get mad at each other for little things but they're not serious. However, there was this one time, he was seriously mad at me. You know how hard it is to get into medicine. I asked him, "what if you don't get in, you do realise its pretty hard to get into right?" maybe I went a little too far but then he just snapped and got mad at me cause I was apparently mentally preparing him for failure.
Maybe it's different for everyone. I'm just the type to hope for the worst and be happy when the good things come along, then I will never be disappointed. Or is it better to have unlikely dreams and be disappointed in yourself later? I'm not saying him getting into med is unlikely, he's a smart boy, don't get me wrong. And he's one of the bestest friends I have right now, I have faith in him. But that's what made me... I don't know, a little frustrated, but more of confused later on; because we always got along until that moment when he snapped at me. I was frustrated because I was just trying to help him, but I guess it came out the wrong way. So am I not allowed to say these pessimistic (if you can call it that) things to people? Cause all along, I don't know.. it worked for me, preparing myself for the worst so I will never be disappointed in myself.
But why am I telling this story? Because someone told me something yesterday. Another very good friend of mine.
As a matter of fact, you know, I... I don't love it, in fact, sometimes I hate it. Those moments when someone tells you something about the past, the truth of the past that you never knew and when you find out, you regret many of your actions. You tell yourself, oh if I knew that back then, I would have never done this and then everything would have worked out. You know those moments? Maybe you've never had anyone tell you truths of the past. It's a moment of so much understanding, it's like all these questions you've been asking yourself have finally been answered, so it's a moment of relief, but simultaneously a moment of regret.
Anyway, what's that got to do with what I was talking before hmmm, I have gone on a tangent. So my friend told me this truth and it gave me a glimpse of hope. This is probably not going to make any sense at all, but what he told me was... one of those things which if told at the time, would be relevant, but if told after a long time, you are not sure if it is still relevant, but can only hope so.
I don't know if I should mentally prepare myself for the worst or best. I tell myself I should go for the most probable one, which is the worst, but I cannot help fantasizing and hoping for the better. Is that what my friend felt when he got angry at me? Or was he just afraid that it would be the worse? Cause all along, I've hoped for the worst but for some reason, this time, it's so hard.
Ahahahah I bet no one will know what the fuck I'm talking about. I will read this over in a month and be like, wtf was i on about.