Rewind;

How do you sleep through the night
Where do you go when you hide
Waiting for the truth to call
I don't fear you anymore
How do you think I'm alright
It's the way I wait
It's the way you've changed
And I like the way you hurt inside
Always waiting for the worst, to get me by
And I like the way you hurt
Doesn't really come
Doesn't really come as a surprise
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
From all the years that went by
Through all of your shit I've survived
You would have thought I had died
But I made it out alive
How do you sleep through the night
It's the lies you gave
Now the roles have changed
And I like the way you hurt inside
Always waiting for the worst, to get me by
And I like the way you hurt
Doesn't really come
Doesn't really come as a surprise

yessssssssssssssss, one exam to go, i am sleepy lul bye

but listen to that song srsly, its fkn good

Get Scared - Hurt

please tell me I'm amazing

14^th of August 2011
A speech isn’t that long
When you write it like a song
Just make it rhyme
I do that all the time
But theres something i want to say
While i was sniffing my nose out all day
I really, really love you
And i always hope you love me too
It’s been a while since we really sat
For jsut a cup of coffee and a chat
And i wanted to say, like these nights
Where youre writing about artists or dynamites
It doesn’t matter, I’ll be by your side
There’s really nothing to hide.
I can’t say I could ever let you go
You’re running my mind, to and fro
One hundred and seventeen words,
Oh this is quite absurd.

Oh! You haven’t started
That’s left me quite startled.
I’m just joking with you,
I’d always wish the best for you.
Couldn’t ever place a curse upon
Something that i always place my love on.
It’s amazing when i count to three,
You find your way to my thoughts so easily
These rhyming couplets, oh so cute
Its not that hard though, they just shoot
From a brain and heart that’s yours
No longer, am i a lost cause.
Cause you found me when i was sad,
And taught me to love, that’s not too bad.
You know why?
Hmmm. Oh why oh why
Cause you’re so divine,
Like a perfect gentleman, so fine.
I’m on two hundred and forty one,
Have you still not yet begun?

You have begun,
That deserves a ‘well done’
But not yet, it’s not really time,
Cause we have not reached the end of this rhyme.
School’s really a bother aye?
I agree, I must say.
I hate the days where I have to sit and think,
That’s all i do all day, no wonder i stink.
But i love when the bell rings,
I can’t help but have a little sing
About how i’ll see you after school,
Then once again, everything will be so cool.
Why do I feel so very happy?
Taking a break from always being sappy.
It feels quite nice to be free and light,
No more burdens, no more frights.
Previously mentally ill,
Now physically on the pill.
Cause my nose won’t stop running,
Oh why is it so cunning.
And what’s wrong with your phone?
I wonder I wonder, oh what a drone.
Four hundred and two,
Where are you up to?

You’ve only done a quarter of what ive done,
That’s no fun.
Cause ill be finished so soon,
And youll be working till noon.
But with the seventy words left to go,
My love for you, I think I need to show.
The stars could not shine bright enough
To replicate to you, all the lust
That i have for you, and only you,
I really hope that you’ll always love me too
Cause without you, I’ll be no one,
There would be no point in having a sun.
You’re the only thing i need,
That’s five hundred, I better leave. (:

P.S. did you enjoy my rhyme?
I can do it again for you some other time.

yea I forgot I put my blog on private and was wondering why my pageviews did not move, full retard
Anyway, now that its up again, hello :)
Just procrastinating. also I dont know my fb pw so pls dont comment to that

But hey, let's write a little, I feel like writing.

It's so quiet tonight, the clock ticks monotonously while I sit here waiting. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for, I'm not sure what I expect. The ticking mocks me. It tells me how much time I'm wasting, it tells me of the life I'm supposed to be having.
Do you know how it feels?

yea pls, nothing will equal how i was treated, trust me
its okay
people make up fucking excuses
lie bout shitwe werent long lived, but he led me on so bad i could never forgive him
dont be sad, lets just study

EM6190 keen :)
keen for a better shot
keen for faster milk frothing
and keen for the fucking right temperatured coffee

I promised someone that i would slit my throat if i repeated my mistakes. so no matter what you tell me tonight, I will not go back there.
1. if he cared, things would have been clarified by now
2. no matter what anyone says, it still won't work
3. i do not want to place this burden on myself again. I've lived with it for too many years
So here, I make my promise that no matter what you tell me tonight, I will not make those same mistakes.

I just want this to be over, people seriously need to stop fucking giving me hope.

fuar so sleepy. stayed up with alice till 3am talking to mattkan on the phone and then we all died. just too tired, good evening and night well spent. ty guise :)

And this, is why I don't hope. Cause the pain of hope being shoved in your fucking face and pulled out from the very depths of your heart is too fucking painful.
Destiny, fate. It just wasn't meant to be. Maybe it's just time I gave up and moved on, I gotta stop hoping for shit. I gotta stop wishing. Fucking remind me next time, i'm serious. fucking remind me.

Lemme tell you a story.
I have a friend, a very close friend. We always get mad at each other for little things but they're not serious. However, there was this one time, he was seriously mad at me. You know how hard it is to get into medicine. I asked him, "what if you don't get in, you do realise its pretty hard to get into right?" maybe I went a little too far but then he just snapped and got mad at me cause I was apparently mentally preparing him for failure.
Maybe it's different for everyone. I'm just the type to hope for the worst and be happy when the good things come along, then I will never be disappointed. Or is it better to have unlikely dreams and be disappointed in yourself later? I'm not saying him getting into med is unlikely, he's a smart boy, don't get me wrong. And he's one of the bestest friends I have right now, I have faith in him. But that's what made me... I don't know, a little frustrated, but more of confused later on; because we always got along until that moment when he snapped at me. I was frustrated because I was just trying to help him, but I guess it came out the wrong way. So am I not allowed to say these pessimistic (if you can call it that) things to people? Cause all along, I don't know.. it worked for me, preparing myself for the worst so I will never be disappointed in myself.

But why am I telling this story? Because someone told me something yesterday. Another very good friend of mine.
As a matter of fact, you know, I... I don't love it, in fact, sometimes I hate it. Those moments when someone tells you something about the past, the truth of the past that you never knew and when you find out, you regret many of your actions. You tell yourself, oh if I knew that back then, I would have never done this and then everything would have worked out. You know those moments? Maybe you've never had anyone tell you truths of the past. It's a moment of so much understanding, it's like all these questions you've been asking yourself have finally been answered, so it's a moment of relief, but simultaneously a moment of regret.
Anyway, what's that got to do with what I was talking before hmmm, I have gone on a tangent. So my friend told me this truth and it gave me a glimpse of hope. This is probably not going to make any sense at all, but what he told me was... one of those things which if told at the time, would be relevant, but if told after a long time, you are not sure if it is still relevant, but can only hope so.
I don't know if I should mentally prepare myself for the worst or best. I tell myself I should go for the most probable one, which is the worst, but I cannot help fantasizing and hoping for the better. Is that what my friend felt when he got angry at me? Or was he just afraid that it would be the worse? Cause all along, I've hoped for the worst but for some reason, this time, it's so hard.

Ahahahah I bet no one will know what the fuck I'm talking about. I will read this over in a month and be like, wtf was i on about.

I wish I could tell you how I really feel. I wish I could feel something in the first place. I would rather be able to tell you I cry every night before I sleep, than to tell you how I'm feeling right now. I don't know if it's my own pain I'm taking, or somebody else's, but I've lost it.
I used to pretty much crave going out, want to see people just to escape the confines of my house but now, I wish to sit in my room,not having to make conversation with anyone.
Life's not shit for me, don't get me wrong, the degree of apathy right now is just so high.

There was a moment of happiness today, where I felt truly relieved for the first time in a long while. That was the second my english exam finished ahahhahaha :)
I just want this shit to be over. I just want to ensure I'll never see you again.

actually no, I want to start over again.