I used to think, oh what would I have to lose from telling someone something, but I didn't realise that the only reason I didn't lose anything, was because they true friends and genuinely loved me, so it didn't matter what I had to say, they would still be there for me.
But I'm stupid, I didn't realise this until I lost them.
I forgot the last time I could talk about my feelings without hesitating. I forgot the last time someone actually understood how I felt. Cause now I realise that back then, those werent the worse days, people comprehended back then.
I live in the past, I will never forgive myself. It's jsut the truth, I can forgive anyone, but myself. I don't wish someone will be there for me, I just wish someone would understand. But no one will, I know that. That's why this morning I closed my eyes and said Dear God, sorry for everything I did wrong, please forgive me. Because you're the only one who would understand, you don't need to tell me what to do, I just need to know you're there.
I've fucking lost. Not lost to everyone else; I've lost to myself, I've lost myself.